# Blog 6 - Feliz Ano Novo!!

I'm living next to the airport of Lisbon and when I'm standing here the airplanes are coming and going into the city.

And that is what my life is about, coming and going of people in my life, friends, colleagues, housemates, lovers.
Some are there for a lifetime some just for a shorter period.

I like to believe that some people are 'visiting' me for a reason, they are in my life because at that point I need them.
However he or she was, or mend to me, if it was for just a day, a week or a couple months.. they came to teach me, or to be there for me when i was in need. they gave me company, gave me advice, a mirror or/and gave me love or just an arm around me. 

I don't know why i write the following but it just appears on my paper.. this is how i feel..

Put me in a fight and i will fight back.

Put me in deep water and i will swim.

Put me alone and i will accept to be alone.

Put me with problems and i will avoid them.

Put me in a new job and i will learn to be the best.

Put me in a new city and i will make it my own.

Put me in a new house and i will make it a home.

Every day i have options, choices to make good or bad, left or right, open my mouth or be silence, run away or take a step forward. Most of the time i am answering with my heart, what feels good to me. Sometimes when I'm doubting to much my mind/brain wants a piece in it to.. then it can be difficult to decide if i do the right thing. Feelings and being smart is not always on the same level you know.. haha

But what is the right thing? Is it wrong to decide the opposite of what 'others' would do? who are those others and who are they to decide about my choices. about my life. About what i do and don't do. They don't feel or see what i see. or experienced the same as me. They can give an opinion but not the answer.. but what i am afraid of sometimes is what the 'others' would think of me.. Yeah sometimes i fail. and fail hard.. I feel regret, i feel pain, i feel stupid. but in the end i will learn. .and i will grow.. and the person i am today. I'm proud of myself. When I'm typing this i get a smile on my face. Aaaalmost satisfied with me being here in Lisbon.

** If we know how to be satisfied, we can give up our endless struggle and welcome the calm.

If we know how we can be satisfied, we can enjoy the time we have with the person next to us.

If we know how to be satisfied, we can make peace with our past and leave our luggage. **

 written by Haemin Sunim

I feel I'm not there yet. But thats ok. I got the time.

Somebody asked me with Christmas, are you happy in Lisbon?

I said straight away, No. I was a bit shocked that i said that.

I think it's because its December.. and it's a month full of gatherings, holidays with friends and families and at this point the people i really love are not around me. It was a bit shocking not to be happy.. but also normal to feel a bit homesick for the people i love. It's the first time in more than 7 months that i miss my friends and family back in the Netherlands and i miss my second home in the Algarve the relaxed beach life, nature, peace and the sweet friends i made there. Miss you all.

Alright, alright.. this is enough, from a smile on my face i now get tears in my eyes.

If i look back in my blogs i see that between the last blog at 2 November and today 1 of January there is a lot of time in between.. I'm sorry i didn't write! When I'm looking back at that time.. you don't miss much.. i slept, worked, went to the gym, go out for a drink and dance and eat and slept haha really normal, almost boring life. I am ok with it because its 'winter' and after the rollercoaster in the Algarve i was and still am busy with finding myself back. so i need the boring, office hours and eat, drink, work, sleep and repeat kinda life. I’m not making lots of friends here because i prefer to be more by myself. I feel a lot of negativity and stress around me here at work and in this city. Almost the same as in citylife Amsterdam.. I don't want to be a part of that. I want nature, peace and love! haha hippie style and then I feel i’m better off with no friends than too much distraction. So.. November and December were not worth mention in a new blog. BUT no worries i have really sweet housemates! and some 1..2.. sweet friends.. i think. But i still need more time for myself to become satisfied with who i am and what i do have. First love myself .. 

2020 A new year full of new opportunities.

Let's see where my path leads to.

Everybody alllll the best wishes for 2020! I feel this will be a beautiful year. (again!)

 ** Stop worrying about how others think about you and just follow your heart. Don't fill your mind with just 'what if'.
Make your life uncomplicated and take responsibility for your wishes.
Only if you are happy, you can help to make the people around you happier. **

Lots of love!!

Keep smiling! Keep Shining!